Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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