ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
