Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
