I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
