what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
