There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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