Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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