I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
