Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
