I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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