You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this boner is exhausting
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
