THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
