Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
COCAINE IS GR8
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
