At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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