could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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