but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
