I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
