just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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