I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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