We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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