Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
