Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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