You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
