I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
