she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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