I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
