It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!