It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
