On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
