peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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