im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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