the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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