If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
