DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
