Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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