Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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