So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
