Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
