Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
