I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
