A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
