Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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