i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
