The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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