considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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