That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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