Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
