I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
