my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
