I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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