I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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