PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
