New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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