is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
