She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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