....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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