I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
