Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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