We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
