he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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