im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
