I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
