I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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