omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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