bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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