I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
