Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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