My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
