she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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