i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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