PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
