my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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