That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
