By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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