just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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