remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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