im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
